So I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of being dragged into a yoga class, but let me tell you—it’s… an experience.
A humbling, soul-wrenching, prime audiobook listening experience.
Because while you’re in a room of hyper-flexible soccer moms pretending to be trees, you can also be solving murders, escaping aliens, or helping a vengeful warrior burn an empire to the ground.
Multitasking at its finest.
🔥 Warning: Don’t Get Talked Into Vinyasa Yoga
Vinyasa is not relaxing.
It’s P90X in a sauna, led by someone named Vanessa who just got back from a yoga retreat in San Francisco with her boyfriend and did you know there are Buddhist monks in San Francisco? Because she does. And she will tell you. For the entire class.
Meanwhile, you’re trying to hold a pose that feels like your limbs are being individually uninstalled, and she’s gently reminding you to “breathe through the discomfort.”
I am breathing, Vanessa. I am breathing out 20 years of regret and Taco Bell.
🎧 Yoga Audiobook Setup: Strategy Is Key
You’ll want:
- In-ear headphones – Low profile, easy to hide, and you can tell your spouse you’re “listening to calming music” (bonus points for pretending it’s meditation and not murder-for-hire fantasy).
- Over-ear headphones (in emergencies) – Not as sneaky, but if you tell the instructor, “I get anxious in groups,”they usually give you a pass. That, or they just stop making eye contact with you—which works just as well.
You still need to hear the instructor mumble something about “alignment” while quietly raging inside, but you don’t want them interrupting a perfectly good narration about a rogue assassin rebuilding his life in a dystopian wasteland.
📚 What to Listen To
This is not the time to try something new or slow.
You need:
- Action
- Momentum
- A narrator whose been through some things
If you don’t bring the heat, you will fall asleep during breathing exercises. And honestly, yoga naps on hardwood floors are a rough way to find enlightenment.
Stick with a reliable favorite—something you know will keep your brain busy while your body questions its life choices.
🧘 Pro Tips from a Surviving Dad:
- Bring two mats. Not for stretching—just to cushion your back from the crushing weight of your own existence pressing into the floor.
- Don’t do the splits while queuing up a new book. Ask your hip flexors how I know.
Stretch your expectations. You’re not going to get inner peace. But you might get one uninterrupted chapter.