Last month I had to take apart our garbage disposal because my children have decided that plastic toothpicks are drain-safe. It was a whole thing. We now have a standing family rule that you are allowed to curse while fixing something, no restrictions, no matter who is in the room. I am confident I will regret this.
Between the plumbing and the parenting, I still got through 24 audiobooks. Three of them were genuinely great.
The Top Three
Red Empire — Jonathan Maberry
Joe Ledger kills everything all the time. What is not to like?
Parallax — Jeremy Robinson
Trippy story, with a nice love story. I am allowed to have feelings while other characters die.
The Order — Jeremy Robinson
One of the best battle scenes ever, listen to the soundtrack during that scene.
The Full List
Don’t just take my word for it. Ask your sister, the one who judges every decision you’ve ever made while also believing in crystal power. She’ll back me up.
Book
Author
Into the Storms: A Hell Divers Prequel
Nicholas Sansbury Smith
👎
Red Empire
Jonathan Maberry
👍
Good Boys: The Lost Tribe
Jeremy Robinson
👎
The Weirdies
Michael Buckley
👍
The Dark
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Mind Bullet
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Patient Zero
Jonathan Maberry
👍
Dog Days
Jonathan Maberry
👎
Dead of Night
Blake Banner
👎
Torment
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Dungeon Crawler Carl
Matt Dinniman
👍
Exo-Hunter
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Dead Moon
Peter Clines
👎
A Parade of Horribles
Matt Dinniman
👍
Carl’s Doomsday Scenario
Matt Dinniman
👍
Parallax
Jeremy Robinson
👍
The Nowhere Man
Gregg Hurwitz
👍
Terminus
Peter Clines
👎
The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook
Matt Dinniman
👍
The Cure
Pedro Urvi
👎
Infinite 2
Jeremy Robinson
👍
The Order
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Khaos
Jeremy Robinson
👍
Singularity
Jeremy Robinson
👍
24 books. The disposal is fixed. The kids have new vocabulary for emergency situations. Solid June.
I have listened to books 1 through 7 at least two or three times now.
My wife has listened to the entire series five times.
Do we have a problem?
Absolutely.
I am currently on the internet telling strangers about audiobooks like a 5-year-old proudly showing off a crayon drawing taped to the fridge. Of course I have a problem.
Should You Listen to Dungeon Crawler Carl?
Yes.
Honestly, you can stop reading right now and just go buy the audiobook.
I have literally bought Audible credits for friends just so I’d have more people to talk to about this series. One friend told me she wanted to read the physical book first before listening to the audiobook.
I almost fought her in a parking lot.
The Audiobook Is the Experience
Here’s the thing that matters most:
Jeff Hays performs this series like a man possessed. We’re talking a ridiculous number of distinct voices — not “slightly different” voices, actually different ones — plus music, sound effects, background noise, screaming, and chaos that makes the whole thing feel less like an audiobook and more like someone trapped a sci-fi action movie inside your headphones.
Hays is also the founder of Soundbooth Theater, which means this level of production quality isn’t an accident. These people do this on purpose. It’s unhinged and I mean that as the highest possible compliment.
Warning, if you hate fun, crude humor, and an intense amount of gore, you may be the problem.
But seriously — this series does not apologize for what it is. It is loud, chaotic, occasionally disgusting, and completely committed to the bit at all times. If you made it this far into a post where I admitted to almost fighting someone in a parking lot over audiobook format preferences, you’re probably going to be fine.
So, What’s Dungeon Crawler Carl Actually About?
A guy in boxer shorts and his cat get thrown into an alien death dungeon that slowly becomes the most chaotic thing you’ve ever encountered. That sentence somehow undersells it by a significant margin.
Will You Spend the Money?
Yes. All of it.
Could you responsibly buy one book at a time? Sure. But that is a sign of weakness.
You will not. You’ll be awake at 1:30 in the morning buying the next one while your phone screen is the only light in the house and you’re fully aware tomorrow is a workday and you’re going to do it anyway.
If you’re in the baby years right now — I’m sorry. Sleep is already gone. You might as well fill the void with something worth losing it over.
The series is available on Audible. And yes, their return policy exists if you hate it. If you return Dungeon Crawler Carl, I’ll assume we just have different tastes in life.
Mostly because all of humankind apparently worships these books.
And honestly? I probably would too… if I had actually finished reading all of them.
I know. I should have read them. But I read about 20 words a minute on a good day. Now I have kids and what I would describe as a “busy but deeply unimpressive” adult life. I don’t have time to spend nine months hiking emotionally through Middle-earth.
The Hobbit Book vs. Movie: An Unpopular Opinion
Here comes the really dangerous statement:
The Hobbit movies are more entertaining than the book.
I can already hear Tolkien fans loading trebuchets outside my house.
But let’s be honest for a second. In the actual book, Bilbo spends about 75% of the adventure unconscious. Every few chapters somebody basically says: “Don’t worry guys, Bilbo is alive. Probably.” And then there’s the bear guy — Beorn — who shows up, is absolutely unhinged in the best possible way, and then just… leaves. He deserved more. The movies at least let him smash things.
Now, I understand many people believe the movies “betrayed Tolkien’s vision.” And to those people I say this respectfully:
You are adults now. Get a real hobby. Start woodworking. Buy a treadmill you’ll never use. Financially ruin yourself with a boat like the rest of us.
Why Bilbo Was Basically Unconscious the Whole Time
And before someone calls me a fake fan — I should probably admit I never finished the original books when I was younger either. My parents knew I still needed help reading Green Eggs and Ham at 14. The American education system did not leave a man behind. It specifically left me behind.
The Audiobook Middle-earth Deserves
But while we’re on the subject of people like me who love this world but can’t sit still long enough to read a thousand pages of it —
Why do we not have a fully dramatized Lord of the Rings audiobook production yet? Full cast. Music. Gandalf screaming through surround sound while I fold laundry. They’re doing massive productions for Harry Potter. Lord of the Rings shouldn’t only be experienced by scholars sitting near a fireplace holding pipe tobacco. It should also be available to people like me, who are sitting near a pile of unfolded laundry holding a lukewarm coffee.
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🔥 1-Sentence Hook One minute, she’s working at a bar; the next minute, multiple American cities are gone. Casual Tuesday.
🔍 Quick Stats Genre: Apocalypse, Cult Energy, and Vengeance Narration Style: Solo narration Narrator: Stacey Glemboski Length: About 37 hours (you’re in this for a while)
📊 Dad Score™
Plot Impact: 🔥🔥🔥 Solid apocalypse setup, steady tension, not reinventing the genre but doing it competently.
Narrator Swagger: 🎧🎧 Gets the job done. Doesn’t elevate it, doesn’t ruin it. Professional apocalypse voice.
Chore Compatibility: 🧹🧹🧹🧹 Very good for repetitive, brain-off chores. Dishes, yard work, existential dread.
Tear Risk: 🧱 No tears. Emotional distance maintained.
📼 Final Verdict ✔️ Yes — if you like end-of-the-world stories with cults, revenge arcs, and some awkward romance sprinkled in like seasoning you didn’t ask for.
🧠 The Story (Spoiler-Free) This is classic apocalypse fiction: nukes drop, society collapses immediately, and bad people quickly reveal they’ve been waiting for this moment their whole lives.
There’s tension, violence, and a lot of decisions driven by emotion instead of logic — which tracks, honestly, given the whole “nuclear annihilation” thing.
The romance is… there. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it makes you pause mid-task and say, “Really? Now?”
🎧 The Narrator Stacey Glemboski is solid but not flashy. Clear delivery, consistent tone, no wild swings.
This isn’t a narration that steals the show — it supports the story and stays out of the way, which is fine for a long listen like this.
🎤 The Listening Experience Best used for:
Simple, repetitive chores
Long drives
Tasks where you want story momentum but don’t need to track every detail
This is very much a one-listen-and-done experience. I didn’t hate it. I also don’t feel the urge to revisit it.
🧪 Final Thoughts Good book. Good writing. Solid apocalypse vibes.
Not cracking my top ten, but it did exactly what it promised and didn’t waste my time, which already puts it above average in this genre. Want to dive into the Nuclear Dawn series? Grab the complete set on Amazon here → Nuclear Dawn Complete Set on Amazon.
Now and then, I stumble into a series I shouldn’t finish. I know better. I’m yelling at the main character. I’m rolling my eyes so hard I’m giving myself a headache. And yet—I keep listening.
This is what I call spite reading. And yes, it’s real.
📚 Case Study: The Hot Girl’s Zombie Apocalypse™
I found a zombie series. Not gonna name it. But let’s just say it felt like a CW drama with occasional undead.
Now, credit where it’s due:
The zombie outbreak premise? Pretty good.
The supporting characters? They were there.
The writing? Decent.
The main character? An absolute menace.
🤦♂️ Meet the Worst Apocalypse Strategist Ever
This woman has let so many people die, you’d think she was secretly working for the zombies.
Why? Because she believes in people. She thinks everyone can be saved. Like zombies can somehow be talked down from full-blown cannibalism.
Now look—I get it. That kind of optimism is normal early on in zombie stories. We all want to believe there’s still hope for humanity.
But by victim #10? That’s not hope anymore. That’s straight-up denial with a body count. She straight-up watched like 40 people die because she wanted to save a dog. After watching all those people die, she was proud of herself for saving the dog. Spoiler: the dog was spreading the zombie disease.
❤️💀 Also: Everyone Wants to Date Her?
This woman is apocalypse catnip. Every side character is in love with her. No one makes a move. They just stand around and respect her feelings and don’t help the people being eaten alive!
Her husband dies; that one was not her fault, but it puts her children at risk by keeping him in the house. And her grief arc has a half-life shorter than an episode of The Bachelor. By hour 3.5, she’s emotionally available and conveniently shirtless again.
I DON’T GET IT!
🧠 But You Know Who Wins?
The author. Because I purchased and listened to all four books.
I rage-listened. I hate-finished. I spite-read an entire zombie series just so I could complain about it to strangers on the internet.
And you know what? Weird strategy… But I respect it.
