Okay, this is going to be an unpopular opinion.
Mostly because all of humankind apparently worships these books.
And honestly? I probably would too… if I had actually finished reading all of them.
I know. I should have read them. But I read about 20 words a minute on a good day. Now I have kids and what I would describe as a “busy but deeply unimpressive” adult life. I don’t have time to spend nine months hiking emotionally through Middle-earth.
The Hobbit Book vs. Movie: An Unpopular Opinion
Here comes the really dangerous statement:
The Hobbit movies are more entertaining than the book.
I can already hear Tolkien fans loading trebuchets outside my house.
But let’s be honest for a second. In the actual book, Bilbo spends about 75% of the adventure unconscious. Every few chapters somebody basically says: “Don’t worry guys, Bilbo is alive. Probably.” And then there’s the bear guy — Beorn — who shows up, is absolutely unhinged in the best possible way, and then just… leaves. He deserved more. The movies at least let him smash things.
Now, I understand many people believe the movies “betrayed Tolkien’s vision.” And to those people I say this respectfully:
You are adults now. Get a real hobby. Start woodworking. Buy a treadmill you’ll never use. Financially ruin yourself with a boat like the rest of us.
Why Bilbo Was Basically Unconscious the Whole Time
And before someone calls me a fake fan — I should probably admit I never finished the original books when I was younger either. My parents knew I still needed help reading Green Eggs and Ham at 14. The American education system did not leave a man behind. It specifically left me behind.
The Audiobook Middle-earth Deserves
But while we’re on the subject of people like me who love this world but can’t sit still long enough to read a thousand pages of it —
Why do we not have a fully dramatized Lord of the Rings audiobook production yet? Full cast. Music. Gandalf screaming through surround sound while I fold laundry. They’re doing massive productions for Harry Potter. Lord of the Rings shouldn’t only be experienced by scholars sitting near a fireplace holding pipe tobacco. It should also be available to people like me, who are sitting near a pile of unfolded laundry holding a lukewarm coffee.