Things That Make Me Want to Punch Book in the Face 

by Audiobook Obsessed | Aug 6, 2025 | 🎧 Audiobook Life, 🛠️ Dad-vice & Gear

Okay.

There are a few things that drive me absolutely nuts when I’m listening to audiobooks—or reading.

Let’s break it down.

📅 Chapter Titles with Dates

Why? Why does every chapter need a timestamp like it’s a government document?
“April 5th, 9:47 a.m.”
Dude, I’m not tracking a murder investigation—I’m folding laundry. Just say “three years earlier” or “two days before,” and let my tired dad brain do the rest.

🧠 Nod vs. Shake Confusion

You’d think this one would be basic.

• Nod = yes.
• Shake = no.
  But noooo. Some authors write, “Tom shook his head yes,” like we’ve just entered a parallel universe where body language is optional. Don’t make me pause the book to diagram gestures like a middle school substitute teacher. I will. I have whiteboards.

❄️ “Through the Frosted Glass…”

If I hear this phrase all the time, and I just crack up every time. We get it. The glass is mysterious. The view is obscured. So is my patience.

🌀 Extending Senses

“She reached out with her senses.”
What does that mean? Are we talking about actual eyes and ears here, or is this some kind of soul-wifi?
I don’t want to hear about characters “extending their awareness” unless they’re applying for a Marvel contract.

🔈 Quiet Narrators

Narrators: I love you. I really do. But if I have to turn the volume up to 12 just to hear you whisper “he said,” and then get jump-scared by a door slamming in chapter two, we have a problem.
I look like a maniac constantly tapping my AirPods and muttering “What did she say?” in the grocery store. Please, for the love of earbuds—level your audio.

Honorable Mentions (a.k.a. Please Make It Stop):

• Overuse of the phrase “he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.” The collective sigh of exhausted readers should count as storm damage.
• “She tasted the tension in the air.” Stop licking the atmosphere. Go eat a snack.

Characters biting their lips. Who does this?! Outside of teen vampire romance or dental anxiety commercials, when has anyone in real life bite their lip to express emotion? I’m a grown man with two kids and a mortgage. If I’m biting my lip, it’s because I’m trying not to swear in front of my in-laws. And guess what? I still fail. Every. Time.

🧘‍♂️ Yoga Time Is Audiobook Time

by Audiobook Obsessed | Jul 16, 2025 | 🎧 Audiobook Life, 🛠️ Dad-vice & Gear

So I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of being dragged into a yoga class, but let me tell you—it’s… an experience.

A humbling, soul-wrenching, prime audiobook listening experience.

Because while you’re in a room of hyper-flexible soccer moms pretending to be trees, you can also be solving murders, escaping aliens, or helping a vengeful warrior burn an empire to the ground.

Multitasking at its finest.

🔥 Warning: Don’t Get Talked Into Vinyasa Yoga

Vinyasa is not relaxing.
It’s P90X in a sauna, led by someone named Vanessa who just got back from a yoga retreat in San Francisco with her boyfriend and did you know there are Buddhist monks in San Francisco? Because she does. And she will tell you. For the entire class.

Meanwhile, you’re trying to hold a pose that feels like your limbs are being individually uninstalled, and she’s gently reminding you to “breathe through the discomfort.”

I am breathing, Vanessa. I am breathing out 20 years of regret and Taco Bell.

🎧 Yoga Audiobook Setup: Strategy Is Key

You’ll want:

• In-ear headphones – Low profile, easy to hide, and you can tell your spouse you’re “listening to calming music” (bonus points for pretending it’s meditation and not murder-for-hire fantasy).
• Over-ear headphones (in emergencies) – Not as sneaky, but if you tell the instructor, “I get anxious in groups,”they usually give you a pass. That, or they just stop making eye contact with you—which works just as well.

You still need to hear the instructor mumble something about “alignment” while quietly raging inside, but you don’t want them interrupting a perfectly good narration about a rogue assassin rebuilding his life in a dystopian wasteland.

📚 What to Listen To

This is not the time to try something new or slow.

You need:

• Action
• Momentum
• A narrator whose been through some things

If you don’t bring the heat, you will fall asleep during breathing exercises. And honestly, yoga naps on hardwood floors are a rough way to find enlightenment.

Stick with a reliable favorite—something you know will keep your brain busy while your body questions its life choices.

🧘 Pro Tips from a Surviving Dad:

• Bring two mats. Not for stretching—just to cushion your back from the crushing weight of your own existence pressing into the floor.
• Don’t do the splits while queuing up a new book. Ask your hip flexors how I know.

Stretch your expectations. You’re not going to get inner peace. But you might get one uninterrupted chapter.

📉 You Hit Book Four and It’s Just… Not Hitting the Same

by Audiobook Obsessed | Jul 9, 2025 | 🎧 Audiobook Life, 🛠️ Dad-vice & Gear

It happens.
Book one? Fire.
Book two? Even better.
Book three? Uh… okay.
Book four? Who the hell wrote this—and why are they trying to ruin my week?

We’ve all been there. You’re committed to a series, emotionally invested, already referring to the main character like they’re your coworker—and then suddenly, the next book just doesn’t hit the same.

🔥 My Rule: 1 Hour or I’m Out

Let’s keep it simple.
If a book doesn’t hook me within the first hour, I bail.
I don’t care if it’s book four in a beloved series or a “critically acclaimed” masterpiece. If I’m bored, confused, or starting to wonder if the author got replaced by their cousin’s chatbot—I’m out.

🚪Can You Come Back Later? Maybe.

If you’ve seen reviews saying, “Don’t worry! Book five redeems everything!”—okay, fine. Come back later if you feel like it.

But let’s be honest here:
If something tastes like garbage halfway through, eating more of it won’t help.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re saving your sanity. And your ears.

😬 No Hate to the Authors (But Let’s Be Real)

Writers, I respect the hell out of you. You do something I’ll never be able to.
But… even LeBron has off nights. Sometimes you just miss.
That’s okay. But I’m not going to sit through 13 hours of filler just because I liked your first book.

🧠 Maybe It’s You. Maybe You’re the Problem. (Kidding. Sorta.)

Look—I’m not asking you to go to therapy. That’s for people with time, sleep, and emotional energy. But it might be you. Here’s why:

• You were too busy and couldn’t focus.
• It’s been a year and you forgot who all the side characters are.
• You’re trying to power through a book when what you really want is to listen to a space heist, a murder mystery, or that sarcastic AI you keep seeing in your library queue.

Take a break. Re-listen to the last book. Or just move on.

📚 Final Rule: Always Listen to What You Want, Not What You Should

This is your audiobook journey, not homework.

Forget what’s “next in the series.”
Forget what Reddit said you “have to finish.”
Forget what your inner guilt says about “completion.”Hit play on the book that gets you excited.
Not the one that makes you check how many hours are left every five minutes.

🪓 When You Totally Didn’t See the Plot Twist Coming (And That’s Okay)

by Audiobook Obsessed | Jun 18, 2025 | 🎧 Audiobook Life, 🛠️ Dad-vice & Gear

Let’s talk about missing plot twists—because apparently, that’s a sin now.

Have you ever said, totally casually, that you were shocked by a plot twist? Maybe to a certain judgmental life partner who shall remain nameless? And instead of support, they gasped and said, “You didn’t see that coming?”

Well guess what?
No, I didn’t.
Because I’m out here solving real-life mysteries like “Why is the freezer humming?” and “What happens when your child eats a battery?”

This Is Your Audiobook Journey

You’re not listening to audiobooks as part of a literary salon. You’re doing it while unclogging toilets, avoiding small talk, or removing glass shards from the garbage disposal.
(Side note: Shop Vac. Trust me.)

You’re grinding through life. Keeping people alive. Preventing small humans from licking electrical sockets. Your brain has other priorities—so if a plot twist sneaks up on you, that’s not a failure. That’s survival mode.

Plot Twist? What Plot Twist?

Did I see it coming? No.
Should I have? Probably.
But that’s between me, the narrator, and whatever emotionally damaged wizard just betrayed his own guild.

Also, let’s be honest—sometimes plot twists aren’t subtle.
Sometimes it’s like getting hit in the head with a sexually repressed shovel.
And you still miss it.
Because you were thinking about the price of tires. Or if you left the garage open. Or that one weird noise the fridge made again.

That’s life, buddy. You’re doing your best.

You’re Not in a Book Club, and That’s Okay

Let’s be real—you’re not comparing plot predictions over mimosas.
You’re lucky if your one best friend from college texts you back this decade.
These audiobooks?
They’re for you.
They’re your reward. Your escape. Your one slice of peace in a day filled with snack crumbs and unresolved paperwork.

So if you see the twist coming? Awesome.
If not? Who cares. No one’s keeping score.

Final Thought from a Guy Who Definitely Didn’t Catch the Twist Either

Plug in the headphones.
Press play.
Miss the twist.
And enjoy the ride—because spoiler alert: you deserve it.